Labels Or Love

Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah

2011-08-22T19:15:00.002+01:00

Alhamdulillah, masa yang ku nanti telah tiba. Mudah-mudahan berkekalan, dan dimantapkan lagi iman agar dapat memperbaiki diri ke arah yang lebih baik. InsyaAllah.

P/S - In just about 2 days of practices, I have mastered it in my own way. No more depending on tutorials.

Again, alhamdulillah.

Tryout

2011-08-20T14:02:00.004+01:00

This post buka bertujuan untuk menunjuk-nunjuk, riak etc. Cuma sebagai pemangkin untuk diri ini berubah ke arah yang lebih baik dan dekat kepadaNya. Mudah2an, dengan doa yang tidak putus dan berkat doa mak abah dan sesiapa lagi yang mendoakan diri ini, insyaAllah.

Dalam banyak-banyak scarfs (or can we call 'em hijjab?), I love this one the most because of the colour, and material. Plus, it seems like the best scarf I have so far to go with this style. :)

As for this one, the scarf is a bit short and it is quite thick but, I love the colour combination so much!

This scarf was given by my soon-to-be MIL. :)

I like this scarf's design as well. So English! :D

Well, this is sort of the first time I tried putting on the head scarf. That explains the little hair appearance.

Whatever it is, I hope I can maintain the above styles and improve them from time to time, insyaAllah.

P/S - ignore the background please.

Effortless, Messy Look the Summer Jedi.

2011-08-20T04:12:00.003+01:00

Pretty!!! :D

This is the exact style I'm looking for! Masya-Allah! :)

Its simple, not much hassle (pins etc), and the hijjab doesn't follow your face's shape.

I like this video so much not only because of her style but also because, she's pretty and she speaks full fluent English (to compare when you watch similar videos by Malaysian gals, I-you je lebih!)

Hijjab

2011-08-20T01:15:00.002+01:00

Recently I have been very interested to "explore" more on this hijjab matters.

Not that I don't know what it means, its just that recently, I think I'm getting this sort of guidance from Him. I know it's a sin for not covering my hair, I am fully aware of this and I will not deny it in any ways.

It's a lie if I say I don't get "pissed off" whenever someone brought up this topic, questioning my choice for not covering my hair. But, thats what sisters and brothers should do right? Giving constructive advices to their fellow sisters/brothers. The only thing that disappoint me is, often these people thinks they are all the right about almost everything. I believe that, nobody is perfect. Even (correct me if I'm wrong) Rasulullah SAW have his flaws. Its all right to give advices to other people but at the same time, try not condemn them, instead set a silent prayer for them as well. I better learn to practice this as well, insya-Allah.

This article is exposing main excuses many free-hair (the term many people use to refer us) people would say about their choice, http://www.facebook.com/notes/ramli-joned/wanita-tidak-menutup-aurat-selalu-guna-13-alasan-ini/229501887093126. For God's sake, I know I am not in the right place to talk about what's good, what's not but, I am pretty sure those are not my reasons and, I think those reasons are just ridiculous and embarrassing! Honestly, I do not have any exact reason for this. Gosh, I just realised, I DO NOT have reasons for not covering my hair! Ya Allah...

I am far from being a good Muslim but I hope I am not too far depart. I have done sins and I have been praying and begging for forgiveness, and guidance from Him to lead me to the right path, insya-Allah.

For all I've said, I really do hope its time for me to change. I can feel it. Its sort of a strong feeling but maybe lack of confidence? May He guide me through this.

I have always have this imagination on how would I look like if I am to start wearing a head scarf or what style should I wear them. As my mom said to me, "kau dah pernah rasa pakai semua baju, cukuplah tu."

"Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, buka dan terangkan lah pintu hatiku, berikan aku hidayah dan Nur Mu, berikan aku keyakinan dan ketabahan serta, kuatkan imanku agar aku lebih dekat kepadaMu. Amin."

Dear Dad

2011-04-10T19:10:00.003+01:00

Dear Dad,

I am sorry I have caused you so much trouble ever since I was born

I didn't mean for all this to happen

I never meant to burden you with all these

You are such a great person

The greatest I have ever met!

I didn't know anyone else as great as you (in certain prospect)

I thought we are good financially, thats why I am asking for this

I didn't see all these coming

The way you told me you are financially tight, its like I have been stabbed right into my heart

Maybe I sounded like I am exaggerating but, this is what I really feel

Its too painful too absorb

You have no money to support me here because you need to support my brothers and sisters as well

I understand that

I have come to the stage of adulthood

I understand what parents going through in raising their kids

Well, at least I can figure it out, have a think of it

I am truly sorry dad

I know after all you have done for me, I never, even once, have make you proud

I am sorry again

I don't know how else can I say how truly, deeply sorry I am

I love you dad, always and forever

Even at times when I am throwing tantrum or at time I feels like I hated you so much

Truth is, I love you

You are my idol

You are my hero

You are my dad

You are the greatest guy I have ever known

Again, please forgive me

Bless me as your child

Let me go in a good way

I couldn't take it anymore burdening you

Let Jani take over your job of taking care of me

I'll be in a good hand with him

I know he will take care of me

If anything happen (please Allah forbid this from happening), I will be able to take care of myself by then

Oh, what am I crapping here.....

Is it me or, is it me?

2011-04-02T00:11:00.002+01:00

Why do I always have this feeling? Rasa cemburu dengan kejayaan orang lain, kebahagiaan orang lain, ketampakan kesempurnaan orang lain?

I do have a bit of all of that right? Ada ke orang lain yang rasa apa yang aku rasa tu kat aku? Or, is it just me making this a big deal? I don't know. I really don't.

I just wanted to be normal person. Living my life as it is. Feeling appreciative with what I have. Enjoy life with my favourite people. I am not asking too much, am I?

But, why am I feeling very difficult to do what I have just mentioned? If someone would ever come to me and tell all of those, I would say exactly the same thing. Why is always easy to say than do. Why?

Life is full of whys that we just don't have answers to it. It may seems like it is not fair, right?

I thank God for blessing with with a family, someone that loves me unconditionally, few friends that may have understand me quite well, and a life. It may not be perfect as I want it to be but, it is more than enough.

So, here's the question again, is it me? Am I the real problem?

Pathetically Lifeless

2011-03-26T11:21:00.002Z

I have issue with my life! I envy everyone, literally everyone. I want to have what everyone elses have. Financial stability, loving partner (THANK GOD I have this but.....), happiness , perfect family (not quite for me but still, I thank god I have them), brilliant brain, and the list goes on. BUT, problem is, I couldn't get all this at one time, can I?

I know I shouldn't feel anything like this. I should just live my life. I can't help myself. And, I don't know whether anyone else can help me with this matter as well.

As far as I can remember, I have a good childhood. Not great but, good enough for me to treasure them. I think I was happy. I have friends all around. I think. Though, I miss quite many of "common-childhood-memories" such like, great musics, TV shows, movies, electronic games, toys, etc. We were financially tight back then and, my parents were kind of strict. I can't blame my parents can I? At least they give me a life.

Moving on, as I was growing up, I tend to chose who I want to friends with because Im a shy and low self-esteem person. I talked to person who showed interest to talk to me. I met these great girls, a cousin, a long-lost childhood friend and, a used to be an enemy (I was in all girls school so, yeah). Frankly speaking, I do feel intimidated by them. They seem perfect. They have a perfect family, lived in pretty and big house unlike mine and, have almost everything I want. When they talked about things that I missed, it makes me feel left out and, lame! But, they are everything to me. Even my family can't beat them. So, I guess, it doesn't matter that much.

Then, when we started to get to know guys, they're always the one that got the attentions. Of course! They're fair, pretty, nice, etc. To be fair to myself, some guy may have flirted me but, I just couldn't be bothered. They weren't up to my standard. Thats what I thought.

When I finally started to like someone and fall in love with him, he just broke my heart. My own best friend backstabbed me.

Starting from there, whenever I have a crush on someone, it often happened that the guy will like my friends. Or if I were "given" an attention, I will like pathetically enjoyed them but, I didn't put much hope. Well, I hope I didn't lie on the part that I didn't put much hope because I couldn't tell myself.

Finally, I found the love of my life, my great fiancee. :) Honestly speaking, he's not my dream guy but, I fall in love with his honesty, kindness, his company. What else can I ask for when I don't have the package most guys looking for.

I love him. He loves me. We love each other, unconditionally. But, its always the case of is the grass is always greener on the other side become the factor. I keep on comparing our relationship with others. I know I should be grateful I have him. But, here's my major problem!

Coming back to the friendship matter, I have very few friends. I just couldn't be bothered to talk about them. Some of them are genuinely nice and all and, some are just bastards. I guess its because I easily get bored with typical activity and annoyed with their attitude and when I do, I just blindly ignored them. Basically, I am a lonely person. More alike, a hi-bye person.

Now, I am here alone in a strange land, again, I am lonely. I thought I could make a fresh start but, I hardly make any friends. I got to know few people but, they just don't seem to me, the Malaysians I mean. As for the locals and other nationality, I kind of interested to make friends with them because I want to know about their culture but, I think communication is the barrier. Its not that I can't understand or speak but, I have to think before I talk. Im a slow learner. My English isn't that great. With the other nationalities, they have quite a problem communicating as well so, we're even. As for the locals, they talked too fast that I couldn't follow them sometimes and that, I think they couldn't be bothered to talk to me because I talk too slow or maybe I just get them confused with my upside down sentences. Furthermore, I think Im like the stupidest student of all. I am not doing great in studies.

So, how do you rate my pathetic life?

Cer sikit?

2011-02-28T18:50:00.002Z

Sebanyak mana kita nak hilangkan rasa dengki, makin banyak la yang kita rasa dengki dengan orang. Betul tak?

I bet everyone has experienced a feeling whereby we feel so down, so intimidated by kejayaan orang lain, our friends especially. Kerap-kali, Facebook menjadi pengantara untuk "mengintai/stalk" so-called-kejayaan mereka ni. Well, sometimes tu, bukan la kejayaan sangat pun.

Facebook sekarang dah jadi perantara untuk orang ramai berbangga diri, besar diri, self-boosting. Orang beli kereta baru, dia orang post kat Facebook. Orang dapat kerja, post kat Facebook. Nak shopping, post kat Facebook. Pergi holiday(oversea la especially), post kat Facebook. Kalau beli beg LV, lagi la bagi reason untuk post kat Facebook kan? Macam-macam la. Senang kata, semua benda buat nak satu dunia tahu.

Mungkin ada orang yang interested nak tahu pasal perkembangan hidup kau. MUNGKIN. Tapi, yang jelas kat sini, trust me, ramai yang meluat! Tersangat!

Orang lain mungkin akan kata, kalau tak suka, jangan la tengok/ambil tahu. Tapi, kalau dah nama manusia, memang dah jadi lumrah, benda yang kita tak suka tu la lagi kita nak concern of, kan? Lagi kita sibuk nak ambil tahu.

Like myself, I know those people are so-called-rich etc, but still, I envy them for being able to have/buy so many stuff that I wish I had. I do not have money. My parents are not rich. We are just fortunate to be blessed with a little bit of fortune. I know I can't afford to have all that, nor that my parents, family, fiancee can afford to buy me all the things I ever wanted.

But, how come those people can afford all that?

I am trying to tell myself over and over again that, rezeki setiap orang tu lain-lain. Cuma kadang-kadang, kita sendiri tak terlepas dari rasa iri hati atas kejayaan orang, atas kurniaan rezeki orang lain. Mungkin kerana dunia ni memang tidak adil. Berat sebelah sana sini, penipuan sana sini, penyelewengan sana sini, rasuah sana sini.

Kat mana agaknya dalam dunia ni yang takde semua benda ni tapi, ada kehidupan yang moden. Cer sikit???

Lives and technologies of early career researchers : JISC

2011-02-06T12:56:00.000Z

Lives and technologies of early career researchers : JISC

This one as well and especially.

What do researchers want from ICT? : JISC

2011-02-06T12:55:00.000Z

What do researchers want from ICT? : JISC

I hope this could be useful for my assignment. Haihhh~

Blogging

2011-02-06T11:10:00.003Z

Well, I have to create this article in the form of reflective blog on issues that affect early career researchers and their use of social media to communicate science. Hmmm, what the hell am I suppose to write about this? What is the point of it???

Oh God! Now I'm feeling like blogging again. I should have stop wasting time on this, seriously. I mean, whats the point of expressing your feeling into something virtual? Moreover, it has been quite sometime since my last entry. There are just too many things in between the timeline. What am I gonna write about?

Back to the main point, I am required to blog about scientific article for my coursework. This is the main reason that I started to blog again. I am hoping that I could get the idea and feeling of writing a blog but, it seems like it makes no difference. Plus, I am drifting away from the main point.

Help! I just want to be a good student. Trying to adapt to be like the English students who seem to get everything in good order, no last minutes work unlike most Asians, working in a groups, no back stabbing, helping each other like others have been helping them, etc. Of course this doesn't apply to ALL English students but, this is how I see them. And, I find it interesting, their way. Somehow, its quite hard to be like them especially after you have spent almost 4-5 years of university life in your own country where you have got used to the system there and, you are too pampered in your own way. Gosh, nothing is easy. I just want to do good, to be good. I am hoping to have the life the way I want it to be. I feel ashamed that I am now still rely on my parents for living. But, I reckon, thats how my life is destined to be for the time being. I am channelling my life for a better future. *touchwood, touchwood, InsyaAllah*

Too Pain To Absurb

2010-05-24T05:23:00.002+01:00

I thought when you are back for good, things are going to be just the way they are.

I am wrong!

Totally, totally wrong!

Things have not been much different than it was before.

I hate to raise my voice, I hate to throw tantrum at you.

Trust me, it happened unconsciously

You know what I dislike and, how I don't like the way certain thing to be done.

I told you and you seems to understand.

Yet, there you are heading to the very same, exact direction!

It annoys be... So much!

Maybe its only me.

I don't know about the rest though.

I hope they're not feeling the same as I am as, it will crush you.

I hate to admit it but, your presence doesn't make me feel better as I expected.

Neither that I want you to go away ever again.

Please stay.

Try to change.

We were not like we used to be long, long before.

The kids have grown up with the surrounding.

Our surrounding, not yours.

Please, I love you so much that it hurts bad enough to hurt your feeling even a little.

Mr. Safri

2010-04-22T06:06:00.003+01:00

Dad, you made it clear, I am indeed a trouble to you. All these while, I made myself believe that I am your pet daughter and, you are my great father. I guess I'm wrong. I'll try not to burden you with anything but, you are still my father. You will always be my dear father. I am incapable of hating you. You mean so much to me.

I will have to turn to you if anything happen to me or if I need anything eventually. I need you to get married. I need you for shelter. I need you for my good deeds. As much as you are trying to get out of the way thinking maybe you have done too much,I am still going to need you if I ever need $. I am sorry but, I have got nobody else to turn to. Its true I have mommy but, to me, I only depends on you. Its the job of the man in the family.

I know I can't pay back for whatever you have done for me but, I promise I will try to make you a proud father. I may have asked too much than what you can afford to give. I am truly sorry for that. But, at the same time, I don't want to give in whatever you have given to me but, if it will make you happy, if it will make you cheerful, I am ready to give in, everything. I live in this upside down world because of you.

I will always remember every happy moments you made me feel. For that, I promise I will always be behind your back and support you even it will cause me things that I never want to imagine. I will be there whenever you need me. I will always be your servant daughter. And, most important of all,

I will always love you abah.

Forgive me if I am not your ideal daughter.

Facebook

2010-04-21T04:01:00.002+01:00

Recently, I have decided to hide myself from my the facebook world. It seems to me, too many people are now in facebook. Its too crowded in there. So many people with so many sick attitude that makes me want to vomit every time I saw their name or pages. It annoys me to see people spend hours in facebook to reply comments, photo comments, changing their status every 5 seconds, uploading lame pictures of themselves and their lame crowds (not that I am saying I am not lame though), chatting and, most annoying of all, seeing so many people commenting on the most stupid status like, "haha..", "huhu..". Fuck man!

Plus, it seems that I did not get to go online whenever I feel like doing so. My nights are damn tedious! Want to know what I did most of the time? Right after maghrib, I will be busy in the kitchen preparing dinner and clean up after everyone have eaten. Then, I will settle on with the dirty laundry. Sometimes, I will home tutor my sister. Finish with all that, usually I will go online for at least 30 minutes just to check on things or maybe, watch some series and, of course, check on my farm. But now, I have got nothing else to do. I did not get to access my laptop so, I either trying to finish up the book I am reading now or, I'll just go to bed. Isn't that plain boring??? What else if you have to see someone else happy surfing. Ngehhh! Why does this even have to be a big deal? My goodness! Facebook is totally a drug man! No wonder all the newbies are so fucking crazy excited with this pastime. Damn, they are so lame!

Anyways, I am thinking of reactivating my facebook. I miss my Farmville! Hahaha..

Where Is "Tim Safri"?

2010-04-19T16:03:00.002+01:00

Where is my old self?

I may not be the bubbly kind of person for I was and am still the moody type but, I don't remember being like what I am today. I have lost my sense of happiness. I envy those people who seems happy though, I wouldn't know what their true feelings are. Sometimes I wish their happiness will go away along with the blowing wind so, they will feel like what I feel. But, its too mean. Everyone deserve to be happy...

Even my greatest memory couldn't help me with this misery. I am too negative to be positive or, at least natural. What could've cause this??? What can I do to let this feeling go away? I don't know to who can I turn to.

I don't feel like I have my other half anymore though, he has been there playing my game all these while, patiently. But, how long more can he stand it? I'm testing his patience to the highest level but, I will surely be too scare to know the truth then.

I don't feel like I have my best friends too, Eyetwoe. They're too busy with their own life to even bother about mine. Yeah, I may have the lamest life style compared to them. I wish I could be in secondary school with them again. We're so carefree those time. And, each one of use seems to be having the same way of living our lives! Now, I don't feel like I could fit with them anymore. I am too small compared to them.

My family. Ah, yes, my family! They're like the only human contact I have with nowadays. I wake up, I see them. Before I sleep, I see them. I serve them everyday yet, I don't feel so much appreciated. I annoy them mostly with my nagging, mood swing. Don't worry peeps, I will be gone one day. You wont be hearing my annoying voice. I'm sure it will feel like being in heaven then.

I am in need to regain my happiness so badly. I want to be the Tim Safri I know. I want to be Nur Fatimah binti Ahmad Safri I know. I want to be me. I miss me. Maybe this is just a phase of my life. I pray for it to change into a better way. Amin~

These Days

2010-04-10T16:12:00.002+01:00

why didn't I feel as happy as I used to be?

where is my other half?

where are my best friends?

where are my loved ones at time I needed them?

maybe I rely on them too much for my happiness..

should I change the fact?

what else is there to do for self happiness?

I've got no money..

I'm a simply boring person..

I dont do chatting shit etc..

I'm not the kind of person who hooked up in front of the PC 24/7..

WHAT ELSE IS THERE?!!!

To

2010-03-25T09:23:00.002Z

To,

my parents,

I love you guys to bits and endlessly..

you give me chances after chances without fail..

I owe you a life and, I promise to repay you with smiles on your faces..

mak, just one thing, try to make a steady decision..

you always change them!

abah, I hate it when you pretended like you didnt hear what I were saying..

To,

my siblings,

I may not be the best sister you ever had..

and maybe, will not be..

but, I tried my best to give all you what I have and can..

respect me if u can..

respect mak and abah..

and, please, pretty, pretty please listen to mak and abah..

they're too heartbroken due to our behaviors..

you know who you are..

we are their hopes, and dreams, and pride and joy..

let not take those away from them..

To,

my bestfriends,

seriously guys, what happen to the vows we made about "eyetwoe is our no 1 priority"?

I have been at home all these while but, it feels like Im far away from u guys..

maybe Im smelly and dirty and not have a soft supple skin because I do all the house chores..

but, I thought you would understand my situation???

and yes, each one of us do have partner but, what make you think you and your partner are the best?

a happily in love couple of 10 years could break up, what else us?

lets try to keep our personal live to the minimum...

To,

my other half,

I love you.

Yes, I love you.

somehow I feel, you're simply boring..

and, your work are no 1 on your priority list..

perhaps I cant put the blame on you..

but, one thing for sure, if I keep on feeling like this, Im afraid we will not make it..

I dont want to lose you.

you're the only one who could love me this much..

and, I want to be on top of your list, exclude your family..

Be"loath"ed

2010-02-28T04:23:00.002Z

tak sukanya..

dah la kedatangannya tak "disukai"..

datang-datang pulak, nak tau semua benda macam orang kepoh..

sah-sah la orang tak nak bagitaw..

mintak tolong pulak, macam-macam..

rasa keikhlasan nak menolong terus lenyap..

hmmm~

dah tu pulak, buat macam rumah sendiri..

dia ingat apa, tuan rumah and penghuni rumah ni apa?

pemalas?

bodoh?

tak reti buat kerja?

komen sana sini macam sial!

even pernah menyemak kat sini, dah, dah la tu..

dah berambus tu, berambus la..

status sekarang dah berubah jadi tetamu..

tetamu tak diundang..

berlagak la macam tetamu..

apa-apa pun, cepat lah blah..

tolong lah!

TOLONG!

Hari In Dalam Sejarah

2010-02-10T06:02:00.003Z

I had a dream last night..

it was indeed a sweet dream and if possible, I dont want to wake up from it and I want to live in it!

but, dream is just a dream.....

the dream is about, I was about to be married to my hubby..

I was waiting in a room until I fall asleep while waiting for the tok kadi marrying us, and then, I waken up by my morning alarm..

damn!

I wonder what happens after that?haha!

I wonder, why cant I be thankful enough to people who have helped me but, in a way that I sort of disapprove?

I mean, at least, they helped out, dont they?

I guess my trying-so-hard-to-be-perfect attitude is my biggest problem..

maybe this is what my aunt felt all these while but, I am not her..

and, I will not be her..

EVER!

I have had this feeling since few days ago..

its like an unsettled feeling..

everything I did, it just felt so wrong..

I drive around recklessly and still do..

to be exact, it started last Saturday when I took my IELTS exam..

the whole time when I was doing that exam, I just feel something isnt right..

yes, I didnt study for it (to me, it is just an English exam)..

but, I have feeling that I did quite well..

at least, 1/4 well..

does 1/4 well can be accepted?

I just hope I manage to pass..

hmmm.....

I Live

2010-02-08T09:22:00.003Z

dulu time takde boyfriend, bila tengok couple lain, confirm rasa jealous..

pastu, kalau nampak couple tu macam gedik je, mula la mengutuk..

nampak couple tu "over-reacted", kepala otak mesti dah serong..

sekarang bila da ada partner sendiri, baru la tau macam mana rasa dia..

kalau gedik-gedik, tandanya tengah bahagia..

kalau "over-reacted", maknanya tengah hangat bercinta la tu..

to myself, selagi you are a virgin and able to control your libido, you are good..

tapi, satu tanggapan yang orang selalu salah buat is, tuduhan melulu..

asal nampak couple mesra lebih-lebih, mesti orang fikir diorang tu mesti da buat..

frankly speaking, me myself used to think like that..

you must be thinking that I'm lame dont you?

now that I am being those couple, I understand it better..

I may not seem like a nice and innocence in the eye of the majority people,

especially those religious people..

but, sejahat-jahat myself, I know the limit and, I havent cross it..

I remember my mom's, grandparents, and those people who love and care about me, advices..

tak faham kenapa orang-orang ni semua "tak faham"..

nampak couple jalan pegang tangan, peluk, kissing lightly, surely la diorang fikir serong..

apa lagi kalau yang lebih-lebih lagi kan?

my advice to these people, jangan jaga tepi kain orang..

find your own weaknesses and make yourself perfect before judging others..

tak tau untuk orang lain but, for myself, my self dignity is indeed very important..

I live to carry the goodness of my family name..

I live to make my parents proud of me..

I live to fulfill my dreams..

I live trying to make myself happy with what I have..

I live to make myself a better person..

I live to make myself closer to Allah..

I live to make myself able to achieve what I have said above..

Thank You!

Them and Me

2010-02-03T15:21:00.002Z

why is that whenever I browse through my friends profile and see them happy and enjoying themselves, I feel jealous? did not I enjoying mine?

I saw their pictures with their other half, I feel jealous? what is the matter with me? I have my other half as well. is it because they're engaged, married or even have had a baby already? I will too one day.

is he not good enough for me? hell! he's the best thing that ever happened to me. I couldnt imagine myself without his presence by me right now. he may have change my perception of life!

have I been jealous to see others other half being lovey dovey, pampering them with $$$, spending time with them all day long everyday? mine may not be that super-duper romantic but, romance have it own way for us. I strongly believe so! he may not be able to spend much neither do I, but we still can survive in the way we wanted. and, he cant be with me all day long because he have classes to attend and, he's in Johor while Im in PJ. we are even, easy say. so, whats my deal on this?

I look up at their school. many are abroad. fly back and forth from-to Malaysia like taking the express buses. why didnt I follow their step? owh ya, my family couldnt afford it. plus, I wasnt that excellent. some of them may not be that smart too, their ka-ching overruled man! but, with Allah's will, I am hoping to join them. yes, I will!

they changes their status like every 5 seconds. where do they get all those ideas? and, what irritates me the most is, must they mentioned designer brands and their cars? the body shop, topshop, zara and local cars? what the f-hell?! Chanel, coach, Gucci and Marc Jacobs? still considerable but still, what the hell?! yes, I admit me myself cant afford it all but, what the fucking hell man?!!!

or, is it because I saw their happy, wealthy family vacation pictures? my family may not be wealthy and have been traveling locals all the time but, I am glad we are happy, indeed we are despite all the little, little things that Im sure every family have some of it here and there. we have plan to go somewhere but, let just follow the flow. furthermore, they are families that havent get the chance to go on holidays due to financial effects.

I am grateful to have my family. I really am. I love their perfections and imperfections. I love them to bits. each one of them are a piece of myself. they created me for who I am today.

after all, have I not have self esteem and confidence??? why am I being negative all the way???

Story Of My Life

2010-02-02T12:08:00.003Z

i cant remember much of my childhood..

as far as i can remember, it wasnt that interesting pun..

it wasnt like any other "modern" kids..

i hardly owned Barbie dolls, what else the accessories..

i dont have much of cute gowns..

main pondok-pondok pun guna nature's gift..

gaya-gaya budak kat kampung..

sifat kekampungan memang ada pun dalam diri..

masuk sekolah rendah and lower secondary, i pretended to be a boyish..

hehhh..

time tu gila layan lagu jiwang and hindustan..

pergi sekolah mesti nak lipat lengan baju sampai siku..

siap gosok lagi tu!

pastu, mula la berubah sikit-sikit akibat pengaruh kawan-kawan yang terlalu girlish..

tengok telenovela, layan lagu mat salleh..

dressing pun berubah sikit2..

da higher secondary, kawan-kawan mula ada boyfriend semua..

terasa terpinggir gak kot..

kawan-kawan semua hot..

as for myself, gemuk, buruk, takde $$$, NOTHING!

time tu self esteem superb low..

ada crush pun macam sial je..

kena kebas dengan best friend and, still mengharap lagi pulak tu!

gila bodoh aku time tu!

kat PLKN pun sama..

layan lelaki pun tapi, si dia je kat dalam hati..

erghhh!

da la aku macam culture shock gila..

hahaha..

boleh kata agak jakun kot jumpa lelaki ramai-ramai..

bengong!

tapi, aku sedar diri lagi..

self esteem still very low..

masuk matrik, still on the same crush..

damn!

again, hangout dengan crowds yang masing-masing ada boyfriend and hot..

time ni, time baru nak kenal the real dunia luar..

orang from different background etc..

pastu siap boleh terkena main-main dengan lelaki..

apa punya malang daaa..

nasib baik i wasnt that dummy!

almaklumla, crush masih memegang takhta..

early twenties, aku masuk university, buat degree..

dapat taw crush menipu aku hidup-hidup!

gila frust i tell you..

but, it opened my eyes and close my heart bit by bit..

sepanjang buat degree, I've been into few gangs..

semua pun sial!

mulut macam bau longkang and ada yang budjet high class sial!

padahal bergantung kat PTPTN gak..

bodoh!

TAPI, time degree, ada benda paling best..

i've gain confidence and boost self esteem..

i got into a relationship man!

the one guy yang i benci kot masa matrik, have captured my heart by surprise!

hehehe..

i love you honey!

since zaman high secondary, layan lagu english je kot..

time ni la baru nak kenal lagu-lagi lama in which my friends da hafal sejak azali lagi..

haha..

lagu melayu ada gak, tapi makin lama makin terlupus dari kotak pemikiran..

kesian..

up until now, satu lagu melayu baru aku tak taw kot!

malu!

now, da habis degree ni, aku jadi maid kat rumah sendiri..

berbayar, makan-minum-transportation, tempat tinggal disediakan..

its more than i can bargain for right?

my MAIN point,

i feel empty somewhere..

im seeking for happiness..

where is it?

I Am So Going To Go

2010-02-02T00:11:00.002Z

Gosh, seeing majority of my schoolmates are out there somewhere in the outside land of Malaysia, it kills me. I guess so. Jealous siot!

I'm hoping I'll get to leave as well and, build a lifetime memory there with the one I love

most! Mak kata kahwin dulu if dua-dua dapat pergi. Haha!

Apa-apa pun, I'll do my very best to get out of here!

Chaiyuk myself!!!

;)

Underappreciated

2010-01-31T07:23:00.008Z

Yes, the title itself explains it all. I feel underappreciated by my family members, my dad especially? Yes, I was at one time proud to say that I was to be a servant to my family. I promised my mom that I would take care of them all and, she would pay me for that by the end of the month. Sounds like a complete servant huh? I would cook, clean the household, wash their dirty cloths, take out rubbish, shopping for groceries and, those things you needed to do at home, you name it! Yes, I did that all, everyday without any complain. Sometime, someone else will help out, thank you!

Yesterday, I had my damn period pain. We were on our holiday trip to Bukit Tinggi, Pahang. The moment we got into our room, I fell asleep for about 3 hours. When I woke up, I went to the toilet and ate some food. I barely ate lunch because of the pain. After I finished eating, I sat at the corner of the bed where my dad and my sisters sat playing card. And, to my surprise, he asked me to make him a cup of hot chocolate. I don’t mind actually. But, before that, I had to wash those cups they have used before. The question is, why didn’t he ask my sisters do for him before? Why didn’t they wash the cup they used on their own? Why do I have to do it right after I woke up from a pain sleep? Even at home, I feel like everything is on me. Anor this, Anor that, Anor, Anor, Anor...

Yes I do agree to do all that but, cant they at least make me feel appreciative? Am I not their sister or daughter?

Recently, I told my dad that I’ve spent all my money. Literally all of them. I have RM0 in my hand. And, he said that I should just keep of money instead of spending it in a way of luxurious lifestyle. He didn’t said that exactly but, thats what meant. He said more that I should be lucky that I don’t have to pay for my car, fuel, accommodation, food and drinks as well as, utilities. I don’t know whether I should or not but, I felt so shock and taken back when he said that. Have I been burdening him all this while? Is that all he’s supposed to do for me? I mean, I’m his child, right? A father has to support their children, right? Owh ya, ever since I got the money from my mom, as far as I can remember, he never give any to me. Whenever I asked for money from him, he asked me to use the one that my mom has allocated for some household in which, I have to keep the money. Nor if I am to ask for something else.

Same goes to everyone else. My sister said, I annoyed her whenever I spoke to her. So, I've decided to stop talking to her. I speak just when necessary. My brother is just not a clean person. He throw things everywhere and yes, he expected me to pick those up. He know I would because I just couldn't stand mess, at least not for a very long time. Others just don't talk to me because they said I'm bad tempered.

Well, it may sound like I’m overreacting or maybe such an ungrateful daughter but, this is what I feel. After all, I am their SERVANT, aint it?

Annoyance

2010-01-26T10:09:00.003Z

Things thats makes me annoyed nowadays;

the boring feeling that occurred when speaking to my loved ones
people trying to seek for attention (ie, they tell everyone they were tired of doing house chores when actually its nothing much of work they did)
getting to know my boyfriend smoke cigarette behind my back even that I know he does smoke them
to see the things that I have been working on (doing house chores, cooking) is imperfect. To make it worst, some else did it.
to hear my mom nags about my sisters and brothers behavior
to hear people asking about or involve in my family matters too much
money matters. Those out there who doesn't have much, please, act like so. I admit, I don't have much.
stupid drivers. I am not a good one but, I think, I do respect other drivers. Sorry for my careless mistakes.
having my aunt family around. That specific one.
Greyie the cat making his horny noise and that new Blacky cat keeps trying to sneak into the house

Sweetheart

2010-01-18T04:57:00.003Z

Honey,

B tak tau apa yang B buat sampai Honey marahkan B haritu.

B minta maaf.

B takde niat nak buat Honey marah.

Again, I'm sorry.

And, I've forgiven you.

Your apologies are accepted.

Honey,

B tau Honey tengah sangat busy sekarang.

So, I've decided to give you some time off for you to concentrate on your matters.

Please, don't think that, I don't want to be with you.

I do want to be with you, and I wish to be with you for the rest of my life.

Honey,

The truth is, B terasa sangat Honey marah B haritu.

I don't know why B terasa sampai macam tu sekali!

Maybe, kepala B tengah serabut.

Maybe.

Honey,

Just so you know, at this moment, B rasa macam takde siapa yang care about me anymore.

Even my family members, the people yang B mengharap sangat to care about me, about my feelings.

Terasa macam diorg treat B betul-betul macam maid kadang-kadang tu.

But, its OK.

B sanggup buat apa je untuk diorang so that, they will stay together as one happy family.

Lagipun, B dah janji to my mom untuk jaga diorang semua especially, Muin.

Honey doakan for my family happiness, OK?

I always do for your's.

Honey,

I Love You So Much.

Hatred

2010-01-18T04:34:00.002Z

I HATE MY AUNT!

Thats it. I've mentioned it. No matter how I act to let them know I hate her, having her around, nobody will be with me. I don't know whether they are pretending like they don't care or what. Gosh!

Looking back at the things that I've done, I think I'm becoming more like my aunt! FUCK! As much as I'm trying not to be like her, I'm becoming her. Double FUCK! Somehow, it makes me feel like my family are against me as well but, it doesn't matter. It might be just my negative thoughts. But, if it is true they hate me, Allah, I'm begging you, take me away from them, from everybody. Take me away from the surface of this earth! I'm willing even I'm not ready for it. :( .I don't see any more point of living if the people who are supposed to loves me, neglects me. I can'e face that!

Gosh, I don't know what the others are thinking but, I think, my aunt is destroying this family, MY family. Maybe her intention was good but, it is actually disastrous. She may be wanted to help but her helps, aren't doing much good to us to me.

Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, aku bermohon kepada Mu Ya Allah,

jauhkanlah keluargaku dari segala malapetaka atau gangguan-gangguan anasir luar yang boleh memecah-belahkan ikatan kekeluargaan keluarga ini meski Kau terpaksa menyingkirkan aku. Aku redha Ya Allah. Sesungguhnya, aku hanya mahu memelihara kesejahteraan keluarga ini. Itu yang aku pinta dari Mu Ya Allah. Peliharalah setiap seorang di antara kami sekeluarga. Hanya mereka yang perna menyayangiku dan akan menyayangiku dengan sepenuh hati mereka. Hanya mereka yang pernah dan akan memberikanku dan mengajarkanku tentang erti kehidupan Ya Allah. Sekali lagi Ya Allah aku bermohon kepada Mu, peliharalah kesejahteraan keluargaku.

Amin, Ya Ra'bal Alamin.

Its Not Easy

2010-01-14T04:39:00.003Z

Its Not Easy,

to be a housewife when you are only 22 years old and not married.

to handle the chores all by yourself when no one else's helping even in a small house.

to be away from your children for a long time.

trying to handle things from far.

trying to make a life-changing decision for a person.

to put things altogether, preventing it from falling apart by yourself.

to handle a long distance relationship.

to hold on from breaking down.

Its Not Easy,

to be yourself when there are someone else trying to make decision for you, persuading you.

Those intruders needed to be get rid off from our lives.

I hate intruders no matter who they are!

Dear Best Friend

2009-12-31T04:29:00.002Z

Dear Yasmin,

I am so sorry I have hurt your feeling. I did not mean to do so. You know I would never want to hurt your or the others feeling (Fatin and Aliyyah). I love you guys to bits that it kills me to do so. But, I guess, nobody cant get away from making a big mistake, so am I. My bad. I am sorry. I promise it wont happen again.

My apologies.

Mommy

2009-12-31T04:22:00.002Z

Mak,

Please. just came back. Just as much as you think, we will give you much headache, I know deep inside you, it is much more better than the silence you're having there. Just as much trouble we will cause troubles, it is much more better than the troubles people there are giving you.

Please, I'm begging you. Just come back. Do whatever thats necessary to come home. Take the first flight available when you have got the chance. As much as we hate to hear your nags, we would love to have you home. Abah needs you, we need you. We love you so much, we miss you so much!

Please.

Nightmare

2009-11-10T01:38:00.003Z

I haven't get a nightmare for quite a long time. So, when it occurred to me last night, I got kind of freak out!

In the dream, I was chased by a bad guy. I thought I remember him when I got awaken at 3.30 am this morning but, I guess I don't remember at all. All I know, I was in the scene, at least. Well, I can't remember how it started (one cant remember their entire dream, right?) except for the ending part in which, I have to avoid myself from dozens of firing machine gun bullets that were purposely aimed to me, by hiding behind a Kancil. The Kancil was full of bullet holes but, thank God, none penetrates my body. The incident took place at a gas station. SHELL if I am not mistaken. I don't know how I managed to run away from my hiding spot but, when I did, someone turn the gas crank and the gas station got blow up in a massive explosion! Whew!

That is how I was awaken this morning. And, I had quite a hard time to go back to sleep. I recite, so many times the Qursy phrase. I recite, so many times prayer and still, I couldn't sleep. I don't know at what time exactly I managed to went back to sleep. It was tiring, the dream. I was terrified. I was scared. It occurred to me, is that how my life are going to end? In an explosion? Or, being shot? I have a feeling that its going to be very painful. Yikes!

"Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, ampunkan lah dosa hamba Mu ini berserta dengan kedua ibu bapanya, adik-adiknya, kaum keluarganya dan, sahabat dan kekasihnya di dunia Mu ini. Sesungguhnya, Engkau lah yang Maha Agong, Maha Pengampun. Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, Kau bukakan lah pintu hati hamba Mu yang hina ini, dan seluruh umat Islam agar mereka dapat menerima Hidayah Mu Ya Allah. Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, berikan lah petunjuk dan Hidayah kepada hamba Mu ini, dan umat Islam kesemuanya agar mereka berada di landasan yang betul Ya Allah, iaitu Islam. Islam yang sebenar! Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, Kau berikanlah ketenangan jiwa kepada hamba-hamba Mu ini agar dia dapat berfikiran waras memikirkan perkara yang baik dan buruk, serta salah dan benar. Sesungguhnya, Engkau lah yang Maha mengetahui segala-galanya.Amin."

Wishing Apologies

2009-11-06T13:13:00.003Z

I am sorry I was cold to you.

I am sorry I treated you like a heartless person.

I am sorry I hurt your feeling countless times.

How I wish I am cheerful like I used to be when I was with you.

How I wish I could have think to care about your feeling.

How I wish I never hurt you this much.

But, it would be a waste of time if I am to do it again, right?

I am such a stubborn person, am I?

I know I am.

My mother told me so many times.

I feel sorry for you to have me.

I'm asking you to ask others opinion about me.

I'm sure you already did.

Do what they ask you to.

Because, I do not know how to handle this anymore.

I love you.

What Do You Do?

2009-11-05T13:48:00.003Z

what do you do when you feel guilty after you did something that you aren't supposed to do but, you enjoy and often doing it?

Idiocy

2009-11-05T02:22:00.005Z

have you ever met a person who did not invite you to their children's engagement party with reason, if they invited too many people, they will have to serve lots of foods???

the best part is, you are their next door neighbor with your main doors are opposite with each another.

have you ever have a relative that are so busy body that, they tend to stop you from starting to perform your prayer just to ask about your boyfriend/girlfriend?

they even stand right next to you when you are typing your message just to wait for you to show them his/her picture.

do you have any relative that call you by your Facebook name?

have you ever have a relative came up to you and said it straight to your face that, your teeth looked ugly especially when you are talking to people and that you should be wearing braces?

wondeRing

2009-11-04T15:02:00.004Z

I wonder what will happen if we are 3-hours-travelling-by-car apart?

Furthermore, if we are in a fight?

It might not be a real fight. I can assure you. It will be just me having my hard time without you by my side.

Dirty Little Secrets

2009-11-01T13:26:00.004Z

I strongly believe I have a bipolar disorder.

I never start studying and be able to concentrate before 11 pm.

Bad breath is really a turn-off.

I do not like people who brags.

I always have problems with typical Malaysian.

I loath people who neglect cleanliness.

I will never, ever invite the person I don't like. Doesn't matter if you are my close relatives.

I hate smokers.

I looked up to the way people dressed up for personal judgement.

Your hugs, kisses, laughter, caress and, tenderness are my weaknesses.

I am losing bit by bit of my sense of happiness.

I easily have mood swings.

I tends to ditch people if I'm not in the mood or, lost interest.

I won't tell what I want but, I'll sulk if I didnt get it.

Apologies

2009-10-31T15:56:00.004Z

-SB-

I'm sorry if I hurt your feeling in any ways..

don't you ever think that I didn't suffer..

I do..

maybe much more than you think..

I love you..

I love our relationship..

you're not the only one who feels scared..

me too..

what I felt was just my feeling..

feelings can be deceiving as well..

1001 apologies..

my bad..

I'm the one with low-self-esteem-problem..

I'm the one who can't think wisely..

I'm the one that have problem with myself..

I tend to blame everyone else around me when I am the one who are to be blame..

I am the one who is in trouble..

please excuse me for my sucked up behaviour..

ILYSM!

-TS-

Me Or You

2009-10-31T06:41:00.003Z

I do not know whether is it me, or is it you..

I just feel different..

its like, sorry to mention, theres no spark..

almost everything you did, I wasnt impressed off..

almost all the words that you said, annoyed me..

again, sorry to mention, I am bored when I'm with you..

maybe I'm the one who's being offensive..

you are busy with your exam, yes I am aware of that..

but, why does it seems like everything you did were wrong to me?

the way you care is turning me off..

the stories you shared, doesnt interest me..

the way you drive, its driving me nuts!

your sarcasm are lame..

oh God, is it me, or is it you?

it scares me..

I wonder what will happen in the future when we are far apart..

please, I never want anything like this to ever happen..

please..

Toenail, Oh Toenail

2009-10-30T05:19:00.003Z

I just lost my toenail on my left foot. Fuck man!

Shit! I think UTM isn't and will never be a good place for me. Ever since I'm here, the only good thing that ever happen to me is, my lover. Other than that, its nothing. Nothing at all! :@

Perlu Ke?

2009-10-18T15:52:00.003+01:00

Perlu ke;

bagitaw what car you're driving on FB?
bagitaw u just bought a new car on your status?
bagitaw your plat number?
tanya-tanya pasal traffic condition kat semua orang?
bagitaw everyone you just had your car modified?
bagitaw that you're getting a new car soon?
bagitaw that your car is an automatic?
took a picture of you purposely posing like you're driving your dad's expensive car

dumped your long time lover for someone who have a car?
tergedik-gedik dalam kereta when you're driving biar orang lain nampak, especially bila ada kereta lain follow dekat from behind?? (find a room please!)
jelir lidah kat other driver when you're the one who made a mistake?
drive slow gila and menyusahkan orang lain?
talk on the phone and then, drive as if you're an "angel", expecting people gonna give you ways?

Those yang italic tu actually takde kaitan with what I wanted to sampaikan. Saje je. Tengah geram!

I tell you what, you're not the only one with a car. Everyone can have it. And, unless if you're driving a white/black solid body of an R8 or 7 Series or Q7 or CL-class or whatever types of car that you cant afford to buy, for now, PLEASE, shut the hell up and stop posting things up on your shout out!It fucking annoys me when it showed up in my home page!

Additional :

I tell you what, I may have been in an accident, a minor ones and, that makes me a not very excellent driver but, I think I am a good driver. Exception for my carelessness.

Perlu ke;

bagitaw satu dunia that you're doing Masters or PhD on your status?
bagitaw satu dunia tajuk your project and its progress?

I may have not been in your shoes yet but, I assure you I will and, I will be better than where you are right now. So, shut the hell up! You are not the greatest and, never will be, loser!

Insecurity

2009-10-14T15:23:00.003+01:00

tonight, I have to pass my intention because I care about your feeling..

you are feeling insecure..

he's just an ordinary security guard who happens to be a good looking ones..

and, I'm just an ordinary woman..

dont you worry..

no one will ever look at me..

theres nothing interesting in me..

they're just looking to have a better look at your partner..

DHS06E03

2009-10-13T16:31:00.003+01:00

.....Gaby have been trying to convinced Carlos that, she didnt makes herself looks pretty for her ex-lover, John, when they bumped into John at John's restaurant by telling him that, the reason shes still there after 11 years of being together with Carlos; stood by his side, went through his blindness, and rising their 2 kids, is, for the sake of their marriage. And if Carlos's still full of jealousy, then he's the one who are feeling insecure of their marriage. At the end of the day, Gaby looked back at her old pictures of herself and John and, smile....

Well, I might have narrated the story in a slightly different way because, I am just giving a brief idea of the storyline.

But, my point here is that, there will be a time of your life where, you dig back your old sack and, might have the slightest regret of not choosing that route of life for your present time. But, hell! An old time is, an old time. Present is present. So, whatever thought you have there in your head, keep it to yourself. Who cares if your ex-lover have found a new catch (shes not as hot though!)? Who cares if your old friends seems to be enjoying their life with your other old friends? Would they care as much for you?

As much as you want to know their recent activities, its better off you dont. Come on, there are many other things that you can do and think off rather than your old time. Please, think only of your present and future. There's a reason you're going through your present time. Especially when it involves your soulmate, life partner, BFFs.

I'm glad I am with my boyfriend, Mohamad Syazani bin M. Bakri. I'm glad I am friends with, Nik Fatin Nik Faizul, Aliyyah Nuha Faiqah Azman Firdaus and, Nur Yasmin Osman. I am lucky to have been born in The Safri's family. I love them all.

I am thankful on how my life turned out to be.

Alhamdulillah.

Seduction

2009-10-13T16:27:00.000+01:00

does men get seduced just by the smell of a woman's freshly washed hair?

Being Blair

2009-10-10T08:16:00.002+01:00

Have been watching too much of Gossip Girl makes me want to watch more of the coming episodes. Not because of the story line but, perhaps due to the reason that the cast uses all the super nice handbags. Hahaha. Im just a normal girl you know. ;p

A bit about the characters, honestly, I like Serena. She’s great, do whatever she wants to do, shes herself and, she have lots of great handbags!Blair, shes a bitch but, I love her because shes with Chuck! Hehe. Vanessa’s cool, like her gypsies style but, I think shes too naive. Shes better off with Nate. Haha! Finally, theres little J who wears great eye make ups. Geez!

Characterwise, I think I might be S. Not because I come from a wealthy and known family but, because Im dating a normal guy like Dan. Hahaha. I love him for himself. But, somehow lately, I feel like Im turning into B more. In a way that, I tend to feel disguise looking at certain people. Judging them from their appearance and, I have this habit of making faces like, “OMG, u’re so outdated”, “eww, ur so lame”, “yucks, that outfit looks ugly”, "look at me, Im better than any of you", these kinds of expression. I wish I didnt do it but, I did! Obviously, Im not a queen. I do not control people, have them to do what I asked them to do, make them wear like what Im wearing, I did not bribe people.

I am just myself.

People hated me and, they talked behind my back saying Im a bitch. Well peeps, Im NOT one of you. Im not a typical Malaysian as in my definition.

I can still tolerate lame people, I can still consider being friends to anyone interested BUT, I totally loath braggers! Braggers sucks. No matter whether you’re really rich or whatever but, sorry I hate braggers no matter who are they.

B-Friend @ Husband @ Soulmate

2009-10-04T06:54:00.003+01:00

Please, be a man to me..

be a,

man who helps out whenever I needed help..

man who helps out with the house chores,

throw rubbish..

wash dishes..

clearing dusts..

man who understand I needed a space for myself at certain time being..

man who doesnt rely on me for everything..

man who helps taking care of the children,

pick and send them to school/football/piano class..

sees the class teacher during the Report Card Day..

teach them..

chase them to do their homeworks..

man who wills to go down with me, fly up with me, stay with me..

man who doesnt misunderstood jokes..

man who arent too sensitive,

I'm a woman, I ought to be sensitive..

man who knows how to impress me, surprise me and, love me for who I am..
man who knows how to handle a situation at a critical time..

do you think you are all above?

please be..

I'm begging you..

Skinny

2009-10-03T15:46:00.003+01:00

PSM Supervisor :

in his message, "...saw you this morning walking but alrdy on the way out. Kurus sgt, teruk puasa ke he he."

Academic Supervisor :

the moment I entered his room to seek for his signature, with a pity look in his eyes, "..eh, kurus sangat la awak ni. awak sakit ke?ke sebab puasa. kalau puasa, bagus la."..it ended with a cynic laugh.

Family & Friends :

"tim/anor, kenapa kurus sangat ni?!tinggal tulang da tu..eat up more!"

hehhh~ :/

Hugs

2009-10-01T16:29:00.004+01:00

your hugs, calms me down,

whenever my world seems to turn up side down..

your hugs, soothes me,

whenever I'm nervous..

your hugs, warms me up,

whenever I feel cold..

I need you to hug me..

I want to be in your arms..

always~

Serve ME Right!

2009-10-01T08:54:00.002+01:00

padan muka myself for keep on postponing my works all over again and, again!hehhh..

abstract due next week, 4-10 October..hopefully it can be done within few hours of cracking head to find the right words..
chapter 4 was supposed to be done 3 weeks ago but yet, I'm still working on it..what else chapter 5..
I have a test coming in 2 weeks time, 15 October..obviously I haven't study..
and, in the same week, I have to hand in my full report and proceeding..damn great!
a week after that, the BIG PRESENTATION!
finally, my final exam is on 3 November..thank God its the only paper I have..

until then, I'm done with UTM!

FINALLY!!!

a month to go..

huuu~

Selamat Hari Raya

2009-09-29T14:54:00.000+01:00

whats the point of shaking hands, wishing "selamat hari raya" but, in the end, u did not reply my message?talking behind my/our back?

I thought hari raya is all about forgiving..

Make Up

2009-09-14T14:24:00.002+01:00

reasons to wear make ups;

1) to cover up the uneven skin texture..
2) to boost confidence..
3) to feel pretty like other women..
4) to make you look at me as the one and only pretty lady for you..
5) to cover up the pale looking after waking up from sleep..

and yet, I still dont feel pretty.. :/

Shuhhh.

2009-09-13T14:10:00.004+01:00

I wish for better days to come..

getting married..
have a profitable job..
live my own life..
making love endlessly..
having 3 kids..

live in my own shelter..
drive an exclusive car..
shop until I drop..
being matured..
able to manage anger..
have a lovely happy family..

above all this, I'm just a normal human being..

Bitch

2009-09-13T13:50:00.003+01:00

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you but,
you look at me like maybe I'm an angel underneath,
innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything,
all rolled into one

Chorus:
I'm a bitch,
I'm a lover,
I'm a child,
I'm a mother,
I'm a sinner,
I'm a saint,
I do not feel ashamed,
I'm your hell,
I'm your dream,
I'm nothing in between,
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
and I'm going to extremes
tomorrow I will change
and today won't mean a thing

Chorus:

Just when you think you've got me figured out
the season's already changing
I think it's cool you do what you do
and don't try to save me

Chorus:

I'm a bitch,
I'm a tease,
I'm a goddess on my knees,
When you hurt,
When you suffer,
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numbed,
I'm revived,
can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

song by,
Meredith Brooks

Va Va Vroom

2009-09-12T14:36:00.003+01:00

oh my,
oh my,
fast, passion, well-manared, stylish, careful, owner of a powerful car driver..
you melt my heart..
I am so attracted to you..

I may have not be that kind of driver,
that is why I need a man who have it.

are you one of them?
will you ever be?

Offended

2009-09-12T14:30:00.002+01:00

I may not have the looks..
I may not have much, financially..
I am a loser if to be compare to their love ones..
but, whats for sure, I love you..
I'm in love with you..

your peeps may have not see that, I really do need you to be with me, for me, all the time..
especially during my leisure times..
but, if they insist to take you away from me,
what else can I do..
I have no power to stop them..
you go ahead..
I'll back off..
I understand.

Just

2009-09-12T02:58:00.001+01:00

Just so you know,

"you are the only person I have ever love this much and, it will always be you.
only you.
forever.
I promise!"

happy attending the marriage course. :)

Two Two

2009-09-11T14:24:00.003+01:00

well, nothing much for being a twenty-two-years-old person besides, I cant no longer call myself a girl because I am a woman, a lady now. :/ .do I really qualify for the title? (-.-")

my mom just came back last week and we were all so happy! I am really happy as well not only for the reason I could go shopping but, for the fact that me, my mom and my female siblings are getting to bond with each other, as well as our family loop. I can see a happy family. until death do us apart. amin.

I wonder how did my coursemates manage to devide their time so systematically for studies and doing their final year project last semester, all at a time! I know I have no capability to do so. thats why I am still stuck here. credits to all of them! I cant wait to finish my final year project and lay my ass at home relaxing and, planning futures. :)

my dear darling is going for a Kursus Kahwin. I had my certificate 2 years ago. hope it valids. so now, I'll just wait for him. can u hear a wedding bell? amin.

well, I am obviously not a good person but, I can say that I am trying to be. too bad for me, rumors have its very own super power. rumors win. I lose. people talk bad about me? let them be. they did not invite me to their wedding? I dont give a damn. as if I want to go. u know none of you will I ever invite to any of my feasts. I choose who I want to be friends with. and, you are out of my list.

if saying "hi" is a crime then, hell you go. we are friends to the same people. if they are special to u, so they are to me. I was just tyring to be nice though. after all, I have to admit that I have no beauties and brains like the rest of them. and I guess, so are you.

Oh, Please~

2009-08-26T05:42:00.004+01:00

Oh darling, please..
dont make an old story such a big deal..
that post was just about what I felt at that time..
knowing that my friends were showered with expensive and designer items by their love ones..
its not that I feel sad or gloomy I am not getting all that..
as a matter of fact, I was actually expressing my gratitude of having you by my side without the need and urge of having to be like my them etc..

all I need is you to love me with all your heart..
I give you my heart and, I need yours in return..
let them be because, we have our own way of expressing our love..

please..
drop whatever feeling you have there..
dont give me a reason to act as if I'm wanting all that..
you know you dont like it..
and, you know it hurts your feeling..
so am I.....
I love you honeybee..

Ragam Ramadhan : Scenario 3

2009-08-25T14:00:00.004+01:00

Driving & Parking :
da taw bulan ramadhan ni orang ramai nak pergi bazar, cuba bawak kenderaan korang tu dengan hemah sikit, pikir orang yang nak melintas ke apa..and, kalau nak parking tu especially;

kereta : jangan la korang amek sampai 2 parking lot..park kat tengah-tengah line parking..korang ni ada lesen ke tak sebenarnya???pakai lesen terbang apa?!nak kata bodoh, tak bodoh..sebab kalau korang bodoh, korang takkan dapat bawak kereta tu!lagi satu, cuba parking kat tempat yang takkan menyusahkan orang nak lalu lalang and, kenderaan lain nak lalu..tak kesah la korang park kejap je ke apa..please la weiii!

motor : kalau ye pun kenderaan korang tu kecik, tolong la jangan sesuka hati menyelit in between kereta/nas/lori..korang da lama hidup eh?kalau tak jadi apa-apa takpe, kalau korang mati kat situ gak?haaa~ ..and, kalau nak parking, tolong jangan parking kat tempat parking untuk KERETA lagi-lagi during peak hours..tak pasal-pasal sebab motor korang yang satu tu je, kereta tak boleh park!

tak faham betol la dengan kebanyakkan driver kat malaysia ni, sesuka hati je..i cant deny that there are times that i drive crazily but, i totally regret it and feel embarrassed about it..doesnt u guys feels the same?dont u have a feeling to change the way u drive..i think i do~
let me say something, do not drive too slowly especially when u see there is a car at higher speed behind your car and, please, use your signal idiots!ladies, this goes to u guys especially..

Ragam Ramadhan : Scenario 2

2009-08-25T13:51:00.003+01:00

Bazar Ramadhan :
wahai pengunjung-pengunjung bazar, tolong lah, again, TOLONGLAH jangan tetiba berenti tengah jalan berborak dengan kawan time orang tengah sesak-sesak nak go through gerai-gerai tu..menyusahkan orang lain!da la jalan pun slow..taw la nak survey dulu tapi, pikir orang belakang jugak la..da tu, kalau ye pun nak tegur kawan, tak yah la sampai tengok dalam plastik bags kawan korang tu, nak tengok dia beli apa etc, mind your own business la weiii!erghhh~
and, kalau yang perempuan-perempuan, kalau ye pun korang nak mengumpat, slow down sikit suara tu.malu weiii orang lain dengar..kat bebudak lelaki escpecially..korang tu perempuan, act macam perempuan la sikit..ntah apa2..nak nak pulak, yang bertudung..

i know i might not be good as u guys, bertudung litup etc, but, kalau korang da bertudung, lagak la macam orang yang bertudung!jadi la muslimah..

lantak la korang nak kata aku ni cakap je lebey ke apa..i dont give a damn!

Ragam Ramadhan : Scenario 1

2009-08-25T13:29:00.003+01:00

Cafe :
pengusaha cafe malas nak basuh pinggan, mangkuk and sudu garfu sendiri (all these while, masa bukan bulan Ramadhan, ada pekerja Indon yang buat), so, untuk meringankan beban, they decided not to provide fork and spoon to students..especially, to those yang makan nasi campur..

1st day puasa, ada makcik cafe yang baik hati bagi pinjam sudu garfu..dia kata lepas guna, pulangkan balik..ok, no problem..

2nd day, same thing..but, borrowed from other stall..

3rd day, semua kedai takde sudu garfu except untuk customer yang order masakan panas..bila tanya kat makcik tu, dia kata takde..bila pekerja dia hantar makanan kat customer (which happened to be a foreigner at that time), tetiba muncul pulak sudu garfu..before that, tanya kat kedai lain, abang tu bagi garfu plastik je, takde sudu..nak suruh makan macam mana?da la makan nasi campur!well, at least dia bagi..hmmmmm..

P/S - to makcik yang kedekut nak bagi pinjam sudu, saya TIDAK AKAN beli makanan kat kedai makcik lagi..mintak halal semua makanan yang saya pernah beli kat kedai makcik.

Ramadhan & Syawal

2009-08-22T04:26:00.003+01:00

again, its fasting month..
at one point, something, somewhere inside me told me that, I'm ready..
ready to wear a head scarf..
I even bought one..
but, should I trust my instinct?
because, I still have doubts..

I want to wear a head scarf with my best attitude..
yeah it may seems hard but, to me, that's my definition of wearing a head scarf..
aurat fully covered and, d.e.c.e.n.t attitudes..

preferably, no talking about other people behind their backs..
no foul languages..
no body huger, see through cloths..
no hair to be seen, at all!
no romance acts..
will I be able to resist it?will he?
no etc..

question is, will I be able to be that person?

later, its gonna be Syawal..
a time where people seek for forgiveness from whoever they know..
whoever they ever talked behind their backs, they ever swear, they ever cheated, etc..
whoever they ever broke hearts..

how about me???
will I forgive that jerks and bitches for talking behind my back and made up stories about me?
should I ask for their forgiveness?
nehhh..
I didn't do anything wrong to them directly, did I?
I mean, I simply don't want to be friends with them because I don't like their attitude..
is that wrong???
well, cant deny I talked behind themselves though..
hohoho..
I bet they're much worst than I am..
huuu~

will I forgive the bitch who tried to get back to my sweetheart and saying I took him away from her???
well, first of all, I never ever took him away from her..
she left him and, I became close friend with him..
then only it involves feelings..
years afters that!
though it seems that I made the first move..
hmmm..

will I ever forgive my sweetheart, best friends and family members?
OBVIOUSLY!!!
they are my heart, my soul, my life, my sunshine, my everything to me..
me myself was never perfect to them all..
will they forgive me for my wrong doings and, breaking their hearts???
I'm truly sorry..

SALAM RAMADHAN & SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDIL FITRI MAAF ZAHIR BATIN.

Our History

2009-08-08T16:18:00.003+01:00

we were both young and innocent and stupid when things happened to us..
I dont know about you but, I surely didnt and will never have the look..
I am not pretty.
I aint hot.
I dont really care much if I didnt get the attention..
yet still, I cant deny that I envy my friends beauty..

we learned from our mistakes..
they taught us not to give our heart and soul to someone too soon..
dont trust your heart too much, so fast..
learn to love someone slowly..
try.....

a person can change because of money..
money can change a person..
I never ever want to be one of the person..
call me lame, call me bitch, call me loser..
I wouldnt care..
all that matter is LOVE..

It's OK

2009-08-08T11:20:00.002+01:00

it's OK sweetheart..

it's OK if u cant buy me a large diamond ring..
tiffany, etc..
it's OK..
it's OK if u cant buy me a designer handbags..
marc jacobs, guess, chanel, etc..
it's OK..
it's OK if u cant buy me designer shoes..
aldo, nine west, etc..
it's OK..
it's OK if u cant buy me designer watch..
guess, fossil, elle, etc..
it's OK..
it's OK if u cant buy me designer dress..
kookai, banana republic, etc..
it's OK..
it's OK if u cant take me to fancy restaurants..
the Italianis, Alexis, delicious, etc..
it's OK..

maybe to some people this might sounded very lame..
maybe it seems like a double standard..
but, trust me..
it wasn't my intention..
I know my limits..
I know where I stand..

whats important is, YOU and ME..
US!
I need your love..
your care..
your tenderness..
I can live without the designer items..
my body wont itch if I don't wear them..
it doesn't matter if I ain't standing up in the same ground with my cliques..
but, I CANT live without you..
my body just cant take it in any ways..
I just cant..
please don't leave me..
I love you!

Love Letter

2009-08-04T08:01:00.004+01:00

beehoney,

you have everything I need sayang..
I dont need flawless skin, beauties, hotties..
I just need you..
I dont need iqa, I dont need wawa..
I need you..
you're just perfect the way you are..
the way you treat me..
the way you love me..
the way you want a life with me..
the way you touch my heart..
the way you appreciate me..
the way you make me unavailable for any other woman..
the way you love me..
I love you so much!!!
much more than I've shown to you..

xoxo,
honeybee

You're No Better

2009-07-29T09:04:00.002+01:00

doesn't mean when you are a little higher than I am academically, you are a superior..
teet..
you're wrong, bitches and jerks..

doesn't mean you have more than I am financially, you can shut me down..
fuck you!

I'll get what I want in any ways possible..
I'll ditch you..
I'll find a way to get rid of you..
its not impossible I'll bitch around about you..
I'll ask help from the sovereign members..
I'll denounce to them..
I swear, I'll get rid og your filthy face!
again..
fuck you!

WHY?

2009-07-27T14:22:00.002+01:00

why do people poses?
they want others to notice them..

why do people cheat?
they want to win..

why do people talk behind someone else back?
they are telling lies..

why do you always thinks negative of me?
you are scare..

why are you being so overprotective?
you care..

why do people cry?
they are letting out their feeling to feel better inside..

why do people brag?
they are not a superior..

why did I wrote this?
I am sick of you and them..

It Hurts

2009-07-21T12:05:00.002+01:00

it hurts when it turns out to be this way..
it hurts badly..

at some point, I wish I never know you this much so, I wouldnt have to go through this moment..

I need you to be my friend, my best friend..
understand me..
know how I act..
know my mood swing..
know my attitude..
know my style..
know me..

I guess, you just dont know me..
:(

How Dare?!!!

2009-07-17T14:50:00.003+01:00

how dare you to come back into his life after all of those things you did to him..
how dare you to tell him again you love him..
how dare you betrayed his love for you..
how dare you~

you traumatised him..
you make him a person that's full of jealousy..
you make it hard for him to trust that I'm totally the opposite you!

I'm telling you to get the hell away from him, from us..
he don't need you..
and, we all know you don't need him as well..
stop chasing after him..
stop the game..
he wont be fooled by you ever again..
please..
I'm begging you..
GO AWAY!

just so you know, I am NOT a re bounce.

Happy Anniversary

2009-07-10T16:57:00.004+01:00

it had been an extraordinary great year..

super great experience..

super great life-lessons..

super great stories..

it was a year full of love matters..passions..tears..laughter..ups..downs..rough patches..commitments..romance..cat-fights..kisses..jealousy..thrills..cuddles..tenses..hugs..pities..sacrifices..excitements..

happy 1st anniversary sweetheart!
you know i love you so much!
cant wait for the upcoming years being with you..
till death do us apart..
xoxo.
11 JULY 2008

Check List

2009-07-08T03:04:00.002+01:00

1 . FINAL YEAR PROJECT
yea, Dr. Shahru, I will work on on my PSM within the time line..I will not, extend another year..I will not!I will finish it with a beautiful job (hopefully, with God's will)!

my plan is, starting from next week, truthfully, I will start on with my leftover experiments..by this weekend, I hope to get all my research done for the time being..I will give report to you from time to time to keep you updated with my work..I promise!

Gosh, hope I'd have the courage and determination to make it happen!huuu~

2. POSTGRADUATE
hope that I'll get my degree transcript by this week and proceed with my postgraduate application..hope they'll consider and accept me..but, do I need to submit my reference as well?Gosh, I have too..SHIT!I gotta contact Dr. Ahmedy and Dr. Shahru..they promised me last time..so, they will give me a good reference, right???

3. ANNIVERSARY
yeay!1st anniversary..it was really a super extravagant year I had!though there were some rough patches..but, people keep saying that, thats what makes our affection towards each other grows stronger, right???

I love Mohamad Syazani bin M. Bakri with all my heart!

4. LONG LOST FRIENDSHIP
I have to admit that, I am a soft hearted person..muahahaha..maybe it sounds funny but hye, its the truth!I just need some times to forgive..so far, Im good with the people that I used to say I hate them last time but now, I think Im good with them..weee~

this morning, I received a message from a friend..asking whether are we good and I said, yeah..what happened last time, let it be a memory..life must go on people says..so, yeah, life goes on..hello friend! :)

A Courage That Turns Disastrous

2009-07-07T01:42:00.003+01:00

I never imagine it would turn out to be this way..
I thought Im the one that have to do all the talking and enticing but, OMG, Im wrong..
you have a greater deal..
something that makes me went speechless, scare, insecure..
you really should have told me earlier about it..
perhaps right after it..
maybe it wont be this bad back then..
gosh, I am so hurt..
I feel betrayed, I feel like a re bounce of herself, I feel like its hard to trust you..
I dont know why do I have to be this way..
as a matter of fact, some part of me is telling me, you can be trusted..
that, you are telling the truth about your promises..
I know I believe in you but, I dont know..

sayang, I love you with all my heart..
this is the reason why this matter hurts so much..
we'll work it out right darling?
we'll be like how we used to be right?
we'll make this as a lesson, as a cause that makes our relationship grows stronger right sweetheart?
please, help me gain my trust, my confident, my love for you..
un-break my heart..

Guiltiness

2009-07-06T06:50:00.004+01:00

I am not lying to you..
I just dont want to tell you because I know it hurts your feeling and, I hate seeing you like that..
doesnt mean that I didnt tell you, I dont love you..
dont get me wrong..
Im dying to tell you about this but, i just doesnt have the courage..
you know you're the only one that I love, with all my heart..
you know you're my soul mate..
you said you trust me when I say I love you so much..
you know I love you so much..
please..
he's just a friend, a boyfriend..
but you, you're my SOUL MATE!
i know it by heart..
you're THE ONE..
my prince charming that awake me from my fantasy world..
my savior, my everything..

I LOVE YOU HONEYBEE~ <3

When A Total Boredom Strikes..

2009-07-03T10:03:00.003+01:00

old stories are being reminisce by looking through at old pictures,
dreaming of the future,
continuous hopes and plans and prayers,
current situation that are being taken care off,
ignoring those losers and posers,
eying God's creatures,
searching for yourself,
understand the true meaning of being a nice person (i know im not),
spending time with your precious,
dealing with stupid drivers,
counting days.

Semalam & Hari Ini

2009-06-24T14:33:00.003+01:00

yesterday i was so fucking mad because someone interrupt me while im cooking..
i dont like people interrupt me while im doing my work..
u can help but, do it my way..

today, im talking to u as if nothing happen yesterday..
i helped u with some of your request..
i let go of my feeling last night..

i am a matured person..
i forgive and forget in a matter of time..
nasib la if i forgive u cepat or lambat..
the point is, i forgive people..
even if i hate someone, i'll forget about it one day..
but, dont expect me to treat u the same way of before..
i'll most probably ignore u, pretending u didnt exist no matter how great u are to others..
thats the price u have to pay..
cheers~ ;)

Loyalty Test

2009-06-22T11:44:00.002+01:00

Today I had an approximately 2 hours test to prove my loyalty and, from my observation, I passed the exam with flying colors!You're now officially one of my best friend and, will always do.

Thank You!

A Dream That Is Halfway Becoming True

2009-06-19T16:40:00.002+01:00

As Dr. Carnell says in his email,

" I would be happy to consider your application.".

Yeahaaa~

Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, makbulkan lah doa hamba mu ini. Amin~

To My Friends

2009-06-18T16:40:00.002+01:00

love me, hate me, say what u want about me..
all the boys and the girls im begging u to,

STOP ACTING LIKE YOU ARE THE BEST.YOU ARE NOT!NEVER WILL BE.AND SO AM I.

trust me.

car-FUCKING-lift

2009-06-18T03:41:00.002+01:00

gosh, YOU are a total jerk!
a coward!

knowing u, and worst of all, being friends with u is a total embarrassing chapter of my life..
i wish i could turn back time and, change the storyline..
gosh, it is a total embarrassment!
ewww~
whatever it is, life must go on for me, ignoring whatever u're saying..
u are not some"thing" that gonna come in in between the way and destroy or interrupt the way im living right now..
u are just a pest!

kan miaw? ;)
miawww from blacky~

Confusion

2009-06-17T14:36:00.003+01:00

*fantastic dream*
*planned date*

doesnt mean when i say i love him/them, im loving u the same way as i love them..u know i love u more than any other people..i love u so much!

I, YOU, US, WE

2009-06-15T14:19:00.002+01:00

i learn to be myself around u so that none of us will feel awkward when we hang together.

Doesnt You Know

2009-05-31T03:57:00.002+01:00

tak taw ke,
i dont want to talk to u because u are so annoying..
too involve in my family matters?
i know that u care but, u are doing it in a total wrong direction..
and, im hating u for that..

tak taw ke,
your cooking tastes almost the same everyday..
theres no day that it taste different..
i think i can do some meal way better than u are..
so, stop asking us whether your cooking is nice or not!

tak taw ke,
i think u dont know how to clean..
this house is still a mess..
the cutlers u washed is might as well never been washed..
my mom paid u to keep the house clean..
for God's sake, stop complaining about the cats and do your job!

tak taw ke,
your son is just FUCKING 12 years old?!!!
God!
he doesnt need tuition like a SPM holder..
well, maybe he needs it..
he's stupid!
but, even a university student is not going through what your son is going through..
he doesnt need to do that stupid Skor A every single fucking day..
plus, that cant seem enough of exercise books..
if he's meant to be stupid, he will remain stupid..
that fucking internet exercise is just an excuse for him to remain in front of the pc whole day long..
he fucking plays game for 2-3 hours, doing that fucking exercise 2-3 hours..
for God's sake, he is not the only child in this home!
as a matter of fact, its not his home..
its ours..
your family is staying here just to do favor to my mom..
all of u will be gone by the end of this year..
all of us cant wait for that!

ERGHHHHH!!!!!

Kerja Masa Cuti

2009-05-31T03:53:00.001+01:00

bangun pagi..
gosok gigi..
basuh muka..
breakfast..
online..
tengok tv..
kemas rumah..
lunch - ikut mood..
mandi..
tido or,
jumpa kawan - not everyday..
mengumpat..
talk about the past, present and future..
minum petang..
mandi..
dinner - ikut mood..
online..
tengok tv..
tido..

the routine continues...

I wonder?

2009-05-11T17:45:00.004+01:00

u are never the one that i have always dream off..
i never dream that we are going to be like what we are today..
i have always seen u as a friend..
i never thought that i would open up myself to u..
to someone like u..
someone who is the opposite of what i have always wanted except for the part that u are totally smarter than i am..
but, people can change..
i changed too..
for the good things i guess..
life have thought 1001 lessons to me..
never to think too much about someone who we believe to be our one and only love..
never to think too much about how money can bring happiness to a person..
never to think too much about a great looking person without knowing their dark secret..
never to think too much about how ugly looking u are without realizing that there is actually a sacred beauty lies in u that can only be seen by your true lovers..
never to think too much about how your actions can affect others..
think only about yourself..
dont expect too much from something u are not so sure about..
dont give too much either if u know u are not getting more than what u are axpecting..
prepare to give your love to everyone who needs it..
after all these time, i think i am ready..
ready to accept u for what u are..
even though u might not be like what i wanted u to be..
its ok if u dont know how to treat me well at times i need u to do so..
its ok if u dont know how to act romantically..
its ok if u cant buy me flowers..
its ok if u cant give me diamonds and cars and houses..
its ok..
all i need u to do are, be patient, support me, and, never stop loving me..
i need u to make me feel loved, secure and worth living in this world..
thats all im asking from u for now..
thats all..
i love u so much!
u stole my heart, u have my heart, u own my heart..
forever~

carinama

2009-05-11T17:34:00.002+01:00

gosh, all these while i always thought and im scared that u are greater than i am because if u are, the blame will all goes to me for being a bitch, ignorant, arrogant, and a poser..but, teeetttt!im wrong wrong..u are almost the same as i am but, u are never going to be me because we both know that i am better than u are..am i right?is that why im always your number 1 competitor???screw u!
forget about the money our parents own..its their money..its their property..we are just lending from them all these prosperity we got..wait until our times come then only we can prove who is better, financially..we cant include our parents in our war..this war is ours..no one else, only US!

1 thing 2 say, 3 words 4 you, I LOVE YOU!

2009-04-26T18:18:00.001+01:00

1 2 3 4
by Plain White T's

1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

Give me more lovin' than I've ever had
Make it all better when I'm feelin' sad
Tell me that I'm special even when I know I'm not

Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
Barely gettin' mad, I'm so glad I found you
I love bein' around you
You make it easy, it's as easy as 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

There's only one thing to do
Three words for you I love you
There's only one way to say
Those three words and that's what I'll do, I love you

Give me more lovin' from the very start
Piece me back together when I fall apart
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends

Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
Best that I've had, I'm so glad that I found you
I love bein' around you
You make it easy, it's as easy as 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

There's only one thing to do
Three words for you I love you
There's only one way to say
Those three words and that's what I'll do, I love you
I love you

You make it easy, it's easy as 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

There's only one thing to do
Three words for you I love you
There's only one way to say
Those three words and that's what I'll do, I love you
I love you

1, 2, 3, 4
I love you
I love you

I LOVE U HONEY!!!
tribute to my Mohamad Syazani bin M. Bakri

Labels Or Love

2009-04-26T17:39:00.003+01:00

Labels Or Love
by Fergie

Shopping for labels, shopping for love

Manolo and Louis, it’s all I’m thinking of

Shopping for labels, shopping for love

Manolo and Louis, it’s all I’m thinking of

I already know what my addiction is

I be looking for labels, I ain’t looking for love

I shop for purses while I walk out the door

Don’t cry, buy a bag and then get over it

And, I’m not concerned with all the politics

It’s a lot of men I know I could find another one.

What I know is that I’m always happy when I walk out the store, store

I’m guessing Supercalifragi-sexy, nothing to be playing with

I love him, hate him, kiss him, diss him, tryna to walk a mile in my kicks

(Chorus)

Love’s like a runway but which one do I love more

No emotional baggage, just big bags filled with Dior

Love’s like a runway, so what’s all the fussing for

Let’s stop chasing them boys and shop some more

I know I might come off as negative

I be looking for labels, I ain’t looking for love

Relationships are often so hard to tame

A Prada dress has never broken my heart before

And, ballin’s something that I’m fed up with

I’mma do the damn thing, watch me do the damn thing

Cause I know that my credit card will help me put out the flames

I’m guessing Supercalifragi-sexy, nothing to be playing with

I love him, hate him, kiss him, diss him, tryna to walk a mile in my kicks

[Chorus]

Gucci, Fendi, Prada purses, purchasing them finer things

Men they come a dime a dozen, just give me them diamond rings

I’m into a lot of bling, Cadallic, Chanel and Coach

Fellas boast but they can’t really handle my female approach

Buying things is hard to say

Rocking Christian Audigier, Manolo, Polo, taking photos in my Cartier

So we can’t go all the way, I know you might hate it but

I’m a shop for labels while them ladies lay and wait for love

[Chorus]

Super Bitch

2009-04-24T16:35:00.002+01:00

i was queuing at KFC with my boyfriend when we saw his friend's ex..we talked about her because it seems like from his friend story, the girl couple with another guys while she was with him..worst part, they're all in the same university..damn!well, that was it..
so, we bought our dinner and we took a seat and ate..my boyfriend once mentioned to me that the girl along with her friend, a girl with tudung and a innocent looking guy, were looking at us as if they're talking about us..well, what do i care..i dont know them so, i ignored..
when i went to wash my hand, that girl came along..she had her hand washed next to me..yeah, so what?
what bother me is that the fact that when she heading back to her table, she bumped into her friend with tudung who was on her way to the sink as well, and they stop for a while chatting in the middle of the way and bitchingly looked at me and laughed!what the fuck man?!i walked past them making face of a super arrogant person and just walked straight to my boyfriend and told him what just happened..
so we both exchanged look at them and so are they along with their whispering and ugly-annoying giggles..again, what the fuck man?!!!this routine continues even after they have finished eating their meal, leave the premise, go fucking annoyed other people around JJ, and past by KFC again, still looking at us, giggling like maniac!i was so frustrated and so did my boyfriend..we decided to stared back at them for every moves they took until they lost from our sight..thats when they sort of stop looking directly at us but even still, they tried to have a peek..seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?!!!

omigod, what the hell is wrong with Malaysian people???previously, i met people whos trying to be cool all the way..then, i met some group of people who are simply bitches..then, people who trying so hard to impress others with his parents' money..and all other type of people..gosh, im sick of these people..why cant they just let we live the way we wanted???its not like we are causing them any trouble???seriously, those three peolpe as well as the other people that i have ever met are the typical type of ugly looking freaks of Malaysians..not all but, almost generally..usually those who came from outside KL, Selangor area..they think they're the best among the rest..well, to me, they're just a bunch of local people who have never been in the real uptown world..SUPER LOSER!!! ;< ..im not under estimating people nor do im not insulting anyone, im just saying things that i saw and experienced myself..another thing, i will not apologize for this blog..if u think u are not what i have just mentioned then, good for u..

Sacrifices

2009-04-17T12:43:00.003+01:00

relationship needs sacrifices..
sacrifices to make our the-other-half happy and pleased..
but, does the sacrifice we made is worth it?

would u sacrifice your best quality for it?
if possible, NO..

would u sacrifice your future for it?
if its worth it, YES..

would u rather be with the one whom u love so much but, he/she do not have the criteria/quality that you have been looking for all these while?
YES, i believe that people can change his/her attitude for love..

would u wait for someone that u wanted so much but, he/she would never have the same feeling as you?
NO, not anymore..

would u risk your relationship fighting over his/her bad habits that you would not be able to stand?
i will try to evade it but of course, NO..as i mentioned, people can change..

would u be too forgiving to him/her?
YES..i just can not help it..but, after every forgiveness, there will be a layer of heartlessness/ignorant/coldness feeling caving in..

what would u do?
i do not know..

Promises

2009-04-16T07:17:00.003+01:00

most promises are meant to be break..
for now onwards, i will not obey promises..
i will not trust promises because it hurts a lot when it were broken..
i will evade making promises to anyone..
i swear i will try not too..
promises lied to me..
promises cheated on me..
promises hurt me a lot..
promises betrayed me..
promises ceased me..
promises censured me..
promises despised me..
promises buried me..
promises insulted me..
promises destroyed me..
promises spoiled me..
promises ravaged me..
i hate promises..

Mimpi Indah

2009-04-12T12:34:00.002+01:00

..........i tak ingat..........that when we decided to go back..so, kitorg pecah dua group and then, tahan teksi..i was with ali, abu and roy(bukan nama sebenar)..abang teksi tu muda and nampak gatal..thank God i was with 3 guys..i duduk depan..rasa macam baru duduk dalam teksi tu and, i da sampai rumah..hmmm..i turun and, so was the teksi driver..the guys waited in the car..abang teksi tu bengong..jumpa my mom, mintak pinjam phone because somehow, the phone was placed outside of my house..haha..abang tu buat apa ntah with the phone and i suspected something wrong so i called upon the guys..........i didnt recall what happen..........and, ali kissed me on my cheek!i am so overwhelmed..heads over my heal..hmmmm~ :))) ..i cant recall the rest because all i can remember was the kiss.......... :p

yeah, it was a stupid dream..no, not stupid..nonsense!but, best giler siot!i wish its true..but, tak boleh..i am a loyal person..my heart only belongs to Mr. Janee..i love u sweetheart!mmmuah!

WT*!

2009-04-05T15:43:00.002+01:00

Subjects I've taken throughout my years in UTM;

1. Organic Chemistry And Functional Groups
2. Inorganic Chemistry
3. Organic Chemistry Practical 1 And 2
4. Inorganic Chemistry Practical 1 And 2
5. Intermediate Mathematics
6. Statistic 1
7. Islamic And Asian Culture
8. Laboratory Safety And Management
9. Biomolecules – Organic Chemistry
10. Physical Chemistry 1 And 2
11. Physical Chemistry Practical
12. English For Academic Communication
13. Ethnic Relationship
14. Principal Analytical Chemistry
15. Analytical Chemistry Practical 1 And 2
16. Quantum Chemistry And Spectroscopy
17. Laureate Nobel History
18. Islamic And Current Issues
19. Instrumental Analytical Chemistry
20. Chemical Reaction Process
21. Coordination Chemistry
22. Advance English For Academic Communication
23. Creative And Critical Thinking
24. Information Gathering And Methodology
25. Writing For Specific Purpose
26. Application Of Computer In Chemistry
27. Organic Synthesis
28. Colloid And Surface Chemistry
29. Separation Techniques
30. Macromolecules Chemistry
31. Solid State Chemistry
32. Biotechnology
33. Thermal Analysis
34. Entrepreneurship And Enterprise
35. Final Year Project 1 and 2
36. Co-Curriculum 2 - Orienteering
37. co-Curriculum 1 - Graphic Visual

Super interesting huh?nehhh~

My Beloved Mr. J

2009-04-03T03:16:00.001+01:00

Dear honey,

at first, u were someone who i dislike..
then, i pretended to "like" u because, u are friends with my friend and u seemed to act nicely to me..
then i know that u're my friend..
slowly becoming close friend..
u asked for my help and, i asked yours..
u are really a nice person..
i started to have feelings for u..
i tried to get over it because my heart tells me its a wrong thing to do but, i cant..
at one point, i think im losing u because i thought u decline me..
i dont know how it happened..
all i know, i felt rejected..
thank God, we found a way to work things out..
out of the blue, we're an item..
surprises almost everyone..
even myself..
im so shocked..
never thought that we are going to end up like this..
dont get me wrong..
im not regretting it..
ever..
im glad..
very glad that, it makes me feel so afraid..
afraid thinking that im gonna lose u..
i would never ever want to lose u in any ways..
we've made a promise and i pray that we will never ever break it..
i love u so much sweetheart..
my heart is only for u..
only u!

with love,

Miss T

Mr A

2009-04-02T15:19:00.002+01:00

It’ll be very difficult if u started to love someone with all ur heart but at the same time u know that u can’t hope for anything from it in a way that, u know nothing will happen between u guys..it’ll drive u nuts!

u cant stop imagining of ur never come true dreams..

u cant stop thinking of that person and how happy he is with his life now that he choose to be~

while u kept asking him questions because u care about him so much and he kept answering u because u somehow left him with no choice, u didn’t realize that u are actually bruising ur own feelings even more instead of mending ur old wound..u realize it actually but, u just don’t bother..because, u r not using ur mind to think..u r following ur heart and ur desires..the things that’ll actually killing u inside slowly and without a warning..people are right when they say, love is blind~ ..once u are in love, u cant see the world around u..u are in ur own fantasy world..the world that u urself created..the world that only u can understand what u are doing and thinking..

Other people that know about u will for sure asked u to cut it off..no point of wasting time for it..no point wasting energy thinking about it all the time..no point to keep on being sad or disappointed or whatever else..it’ll not bring u no where because this is actually not the first time its happening..its not that u never try to cut it off..u tried..but u think that he is somehow the one for u and u do not want to get over him..u are still somehow hoping for a miracle to happen..believe me, everything is ridiculous!!!

U are stupid..u are such a fool..u created ur pains and now, serve u right!!!no one else can help u besides urself..think about it and u’ll know what I mean~

created on 2006

Mas Kahwin

2009-03-31T18:24:00.000+01:00

Mr. J : mahalnya mas kahwin selangor!!!
Miss T : dengar kata nak naik lagi..maybe up to RM150. So, how?
Mr. J : takpe la..duit boleh cari, kalau gf sorang ni mana nak cari..
Miss T : *senyum tersimpul-simpul*

Random

2009-03-31T09:01:00.001+01:00

some people just cant get over their past even its over a stupid, childish, silly matter..CHILDISH!

some people just cant take it when their best friend is being insulted..LOSER!

some people just didnt realize that he's showing off too much..POSER!

some people just didnt get it that someone out there is really in love with him..JERK!

some people simply dont know the meaning of care..IDIOT!

some people simply thinks that money is a gateway to everything..FUCK YOU!

some people are unable to adapt themselves in an environment where everyone else arent like them..PATHETIC!

some people thinks that by destroying others life, they have gain victory..BITCH!

above all this,

some people just dont know that even if their life is seem to be like at the end of the world, they are still be love by some others..

they still have chance to get over it..

to improve themselves..

they still can be as powerful as the people who pull them down..

they still have chance to get an apology from the people they hurt..

The 4 Letter Word

2009-03-31T05:24:00.001+01:00

FUCK to people who carry around nasty rumors and those who bitches around.

LOVE to family members, best friends and lover.
I know you lot are sick of me being annoying but, please, Im begging you. Give me some time. This is just a phase of my life.

Beginner

2009-03-30T18:58:00.001+01:00

Reason for not blogging before :

too lazy to type out
i already have my little black book here in my PC
i know i wouldnt have time to update my blog
i think blogger are just someone who are over themselves
im not good at English
nobody would ever be interested to know about me

Reason for blogging :

i will soon have so much time to be waste
i think blogging is one way u can speak your heart out
my English are improving..well, i think..
i know i have lots of secret admirers..HAHA!